Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
