You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
