She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
