I love black thongs
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
this just has baby written all over it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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