Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
