wanna go halves on a baby?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
