We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Randomize
