Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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