So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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