I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
