My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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