If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
