my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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