That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
