Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
