We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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