ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
