Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
