wat bout pragnant strippers??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
