i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
