Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
