i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
