I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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