If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
