I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
