yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
