just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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