The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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