I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
false alarm, still single
Randomize
