No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
