I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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