Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
