Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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