yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
