sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
