Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
