Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
