i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
