My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
