Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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