are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
