my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
