he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
