look no pants
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
