It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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