4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
