well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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