So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
