Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
