why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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