Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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