Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
